"Old whores don't do much giggling."

After an entire day of reading Hunter Thompson with a side of Chomsky, I'm feeling dizzy nauseous and hard nosed. I don't feel like putting up with anybody's shit. Everyone just looks like bobbleheads lately, perhaps explaining the renewed interest in the kitchy things. When all the world's a novelty store, bobbleheads are reassuring portraits of the familiar. Ugh. I should probably just get some dinner. But I wanted to state for the record that I am done with having faith and hope in American politics.
All americans are bastards, including me, and I don't see the point in voting for one bastard over another. For a few months back in aught-four I seriously thought we could change the direction the country was taking by voting for the right guy. The anti war guy, the smart, east coast liberal guy. But I'm not entirely sure of that anymore. It seems like evil things have always been done in the name of america, and I don't know that we can stop the jauggernaut at this point. Are we capable of doing good, are we capable of learning from mistakes? The problem is, you have to know what mistakes were to learn from them, and no body is taking us over their knee to show us. I'm actually starting to get afraid that most of my fellow americans would completely support locking me up for saying something unamerican. the liberals aren't crazy enough, aren't mad enough, aren't brave enough to risk a prison break; and frankly i'd rather be locked up than vulnerable to the rabid violent freaks who would want to stab me for my opinions.
what is it safe to do anymore? what is it safe to say? (remembering the cookie munching pacifists inflitrated by the law enforcement mole, depicted by michael moore) shit, i feel like i'm not doing anything important by not saying anything. but i'm scared to death of what would happen if i say what i am thinking half the time. cowardly obsure existence. way to go.
sorry for the self pity marathon. i know you people (my good friends and whoever else may happen by) have more important things to do than listen to my current identity crisis bullshit. but hey, law school's almost over: the time is ripe for me to start this all over again.

May Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard

Now that the holidays are over, I suppose I can begin blogging again. Every once in awhile I get the urge to start a new blog (or blank book) as if it will allow me to create a new identity. I guess I'll stick with this identity for now. Frankly, I'm too tired to reinvent myself.
Classes are the same old bullshit. It gets increasingly difficult to force myself to go. I've probably said this before: if so, then now it is doubly difficult. I didn't really come back to blogging in order to bitch about my life, it just comes so naturally.
Nothing about the world really upsets me today, that's probably why I'm focusing on feeling sorry for myself. :) Just a little: I really am aware that I am blessed and have nothing to complain about. Except that my fiance has to work on valentine's day. I made cupcakes to ease my loneliness. And because I love cupcakes. Its just a normal, rainy, cold, grey, crappy, muddy february day in Ohio.
Right now I'm watching "The Bachelor and the Bobbysoxer" with Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, and Shirley Temple. It is one of my all time favorite movies. I especially like the fact that Myrna Loy is a judge in this movie: it was probably my first exposure to a sexy woman portrayed as successful in the legal field. That and Katherine Hepburn in Adam's Rib. The two aspects of womanhood are hard to reconcile for classical hollywood, they always have to compromise somehow. Still, I grew up with these movies so I find them comforting, even though now I feel the need to view them through a feminist lens.
I know: my next rant will be on the wedding industry! I can get angry about that easily now that I've been thrown into it and have to deal with the madness it peddles. I will get on that soon. Now I think I need chinese food. Yes.

myopic myth that modern is best

ok, i don't do drugs. i drink, yes, and i am trying to cut back on that. but i have never done drugs, not sure why, just never have and i have no desire to start.
but the drug czar just looked like a big idiot on CNN. here he is, the drug czar, and he's advising people who are recovering alcoholics on how to get through the holiday season without relapsing. so...let me get this straight. we have no national health plan or program that *helps* people recover, we funnel them into religious programs like AA, require them to link their only chance at recovery with god, not their own self discipline. but the drug czar thinks that he can authoritatively advise already recovered people how to make it through the pesky holidays. he takes personal credit, by the way, for the number of recovering people, inexplicably.
like there aren't bigger issues on the drug front (hello columbia) than how not to have a cocktail at your work mixer this season.
then, when broached about an actual subject: medical marijuana, he looked like a bigger moron. he seems offended by the fact that people, who are in unbearable pain, who are not going to recover, who are just trying to live out their last moments in relative comfort, are just a front for young people who want to smoke pot. now, i'm sure some young people want to smoke pot, but i doubt the chronically ill would take kindly to this characterization. "We don't smoke weeds in modern medicine," spake the Drug Czar. So, its cheap, its natural, it has less harmful side effects than most FDA drugs on the market, and its effective. We have, what, a hundred years of medical research on the effects of marijuana, (more than that actually), but we should instead use other man made drugs with unknown long term side effects, really expensive to make and research because....its illegal? isn't morphine illegal without a prescription too? we don't tell patients they can't have that or a dozen other narcotics under supervision, just because some drug addicts would love for it to be legalized for them to use it.
so it comes down to that one statement really, "We don't smoke weeds in modern medicine." why? because no huge pharmacuetical companies make millions manufacturing marijuana. if you can't fleece the chronically ill pain sufferers of their last dollars before they die, you're not a drug company worth your salt.